Happy in Love

Sometimes I wonder at all the junk in the world like romance novels and happy ever after films. I wonder at them and their ability to feed on our brains and give us that feel-good experiance and convince us that life, or more to the point relationships, trully can exist that way. When in reality relationships and life are messy. They always look better on the outside then they do on the inside. Even the most loving relationships are challenged all the time. For example ever wednsday night. The night righ inbetween Monday when you realize you miss each other like crazy but you need some space and Friday when you know you will see each other in a little bit so really its okay...you can make it a little while longer. Its so exhausting this consistant rollacoster where emotions can go up and down, left and right. And sometimes I wonder if its worth it. I can't say exactly that my life is better now, or was better than. I can't say exactly because I don't want to face reality that which could very well tell me taht life indeed was less stressful and more fun before I started this exhausting rollacoster. But the thing that I hate the most is asking myself if I want to get off the ride...and right now I just don't know. Part of me screams every time to not even think about it while the other part is assesing the mass and energy ballance and is finding that the energy being put in is not quite equaling the energy I get out. But then again my assumptions may be off! For this I better go to bed and think again in the morning.